Feeling stuck…

The calorie counting has become obsessive.

It didn’t start out this way. It didn’t happen on purpose. It just sorta happened…

When my anxiety was at its worst, I was often too nauseous to eat anything. As a result, I lost some weight.

And it felt good.

It felt good seeing that number drop, seeing that I had lost that weight without even trying to. I liked it and I wanted more.

And I’ve been wanting more for a while now.

I want to lose more. I don’t need to. But I want to.

I want to be thinner, just a little bit smaller. But the more pounds I lose, the more I want to continue doing so.

I track all my calories. I track the fat content. I’ve only been eating 1200 calories at max on a “bad” day. Meal replacement shakes and protein bars have become the substitute for 2/3rds of my meals.

I know this is a dangerous road to be heading down, but I don’t know how to stop…and I don’t know if I want to…

I just feel so stuck. What’s happening to me? What is this? If anyone has some guidance to offer, please do.