late night thoughts

My depression has been more intense than it’s ever been. I was supposed to have an appointment with my therapist on Thursday but she has to reschedule due to a family emergency. Completely understandable. Therapists deal with shit in their lives too…but I’m not sure how I’m going to make it until next week. I had an appointment last Monday and things were so bad last week that I thought about texting her to see if I could come in for a second appointment. Probably wasn’t my best choice since yesterday I was thinking about texting again to see if I could come in earlier this week because waiting until Thursday seemed impossible. Well, looks like it’ll be sometime next week now and I am not sure how I am going to do it exactly. It’s been a struggle to do anything…eat, shower, make my bed…basic tasks feel impossible. I just can’t keep going like this. Now, just to clarify, I do NOT want to end it. I do NOT want to hurt myself nor do I have plans to. I just want the pain to stop. I am tired of feeling like absolute shit all the time. I just want to feel normal again…whatever normal even is…