Uncomfortable Confessions

I feel uncomfortable typing this…but I know that doing so will help me. So, here goes…

I’m temporarily moving to California during January through early April for a level 2 fieldwork rotation for school (hey, remember when my intent was to use this blog to talk about OT school and I’ve pretty much never done that). I’m excited. How could I not be??? 3 months of sunshine, great weather, and living close to the beach…YES PLEASE. Although I am excited, there are definitely some nerves. I don’t feel prepared at all to treat patients, especially with having no hands-on experience in my level 1 fieldworks (thanks COVID). I am also afraid I won’t know how to plan interventions to carry out a treatment session for multiple patients, multiple times a day. I’m also afraid of just not being good enough.

Although there are lots of nerves surrounding the clinical/OT aspect of my fieldwork rotation, the thing that is causing me the most anxiety isn’t exactly related to the fieldwork in and of itself. The thing that is making me the most anxious is being away from my therapist for those 12 weeks (more like 14 if you factor in traveling). I know I can do telehealth appointments with her, but I’m REALLY going to miss seeing her in-person. I addressed this during my appointment on Thursday and honestly felt so embarrassed. She was so kind and understanding, but I still felt so ashamed for feeling this way. It was one of those moments where my attachment to her really came out. I know it’s normal to get attached to your therapist; it’s part of the therapeutic process…but it didn’t change the fact that I felt truly ashamed to address how much I’m really going to miss her.

I really don’t know what to say in this post other than that. I just feel so anxious over the fact I won’t be able to have face to face sessions for a few months. I am grateful for the fact that I can do telehealth, but I really NEED the face-to-face. I feel so much more connected that way. I don’t even enjoy FaceTiming my best friends; I would just much prefer being in the person’s presence.

I know it’s going to be hard and I’m not exactly sure of what to do. I’m REALLY going to miss seeing her every week and that’s been really hard for me to admit. I don’t know what these next few months are going to look like; I guess I’ll just have to take things one day at a time.

(side note: thank goodness I still can get in to see her TWO more times before making the move to CA)