Shame…

That’s the only way to describe how I feel right now. Shame.

I had a panic attack during my therapy session today. I have been quite overwhelmed lately due to multiple stressors in my life currently and it’s just been…a lot…

We were talking and suddenly, I could feel IT. I could feel the panic attack coming on – I felt hot, my ears were ringing, I was struggling to catch my breath, and felt nauseous. I knew that I was going to have a panic attack, and knew it would be in front of my therapist.

She was nothing but kind to me. She talked me through some deep breathing and when the nausea didn’t subside, she walked me to the bathroom.

She was gentle with her words the whole time, and I felt very cared for. I know she’s trained to handle these things and I know she cares about me, as a truly good therapist should…but I still feel so much shame for that happening. Panic attacks are awful. I wouldn’t wish for anyone to experience one. It’s an extremely vulnerable thing for someone to witness.

I don’t know…I just feel embarrassed that it happened in front of her and she had to deal with it.

I really don’t know what else to say. I just really needed to write out my thoughts, so I can help myself. Maybe someone else who has experienced this can find comfort in knowing they’re not alone.

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