Another Honest Update

I’ve really been struggling these past few days, more than I have in awhile. I’ve had multiple panic attacks this week and my depression has been severe. I’ve been extremely unproductive this week due to everything feeling so hard. I just don’t have the energy to do anything but at the same time feel too panicky and scared to do anything.

I haven’t showered since Sunday night and haven’t been sticking to my typical skincare routine because it just feels like too much.

I’ve been sleeping a lot at night, but have also been taking naps during the day that are 2-3 hours long. I also haven’t moved off my couch much during the day. Again, it just seems too hard. The only times I’ve left my apartment this week were Monday, for my therapy appointment, and Tuesday, because I NEEDED to go to Target (it did take me until 5:00pm to finally work up the strength to do that).

Eating has been hard too. Nothing tastes good and I don’t have much of an appetite. I fixed some pasta for dinner on Monday, trying to do something nice for myself after having that panic attack at therapy, and it just didn’t taste good. It’s a pasta I fix almost weekly, but it just wasn’t appetizing. Tuesday, my food intake consisted of 2 small pieces of chocolate and some white cheddar popcorn. Yesterday, my food intake included part of a smoothie that I couldn’t bring myself to finish and more white cheddar popcorn. Today, my food intake has consisted of…nothing. I’m just not hungry. I know I need to eat, but nothing tastes good and I just don’t feel like it.

Everything feels like too much. Watching TV isn’t enjoyable; I haven’t even turned it on today. Doing anything on my laptop doesn’t feel engaging. Basically all I’ve done this week is lie on the couch and occasionally scroll through Instagram.

I’m tired of hurting. All week I’ve been hoping that maybe I’ll wake up the next day and feel better…that hasn’t happened yet…

I feel like this sounds so whiny, and I’m sorry. I just needed to get on here and write everything out, to help me work through everything. My plan is to write a more detailed blog post either tomorrow or over the weekend to explain some of the reasons why I’m struggling so much right now. Again, it’s primarily for me to just write out my thoughts and feelings. If someone else can benefit and see they aren’t alone, then that makes it all the better. Signing off now. Sending light & love your way!