Painful, Professional Boundaries & the Therapeutic Relationship

Sometimes, it is so intense – the longing to see her in-between sessions. I know I can’t. I know it would be unethical, unprofessional, unhealthy, among other things…but it doesn’t change the way I feel.

The relationship with my therapist is one of the few where I feel truly comfortable with being myself. It’s one where I feel safe and can speak what is on my mind and on my heart without fear of judgment. It’s one of the few where I feel cared for and truly heard. For me, my therapist is an incredibly important person in my life, so it’s hard knowing that I’m just one of many clients to her.

I wish our relationship didn’t have to remain a professional client-therapist one. I wish it could be more personal. I understand why it can’t, but she’s just so kind and nurturing. She makes me feel cared for in a maternal way. I wish I got more than just 45 minutes a week with her. I wish I could get coffee with her and get to know her better on a personal level. I feel so ashamed for feeling this way, especially since I understand our relationship can’t exist outside the 4 walls of that cozy little room I look forward to sitting in each week. It just sucks…

This is something I want to discuss more with my therapist but I honestly don’t know how. I started to last week but I struggled and couldn’t get much out. It was just so embarrassing and I was consumed with fear and shame. I wasn’t really sure how to address it. What am I supposed to do? Do I just come right out and say, “I really wish I could have a personal relationship with you outside of therapy due to the fact that I have attachment issues and due to the fact there’s probably some transference going on here?” That sounds humiliating.

I’m not sure what to do. I want to address it more, it’s just so scary…

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1 Comment

  1. That sounds like a really hard situation. And while I can see how there would be feelings of fear and shame associated with it, I think it’s very, very human to have that kind of desire for a more personal relationship.


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